If God Had Made You A Boy....

"Mom, If God had made you a boy, Dad would be 44 and you would be 41 and you raced, you would win because the youngest is the fastest.  Pause   But He didn't, He made you a girl." 

Sigh

#4 Accomplished

Found it. 

Rule number six: look under the big table, over by where the cat's water and food used to be, almost under the china hutch. 

# 4

From the bathtub: "Mom, find my other black spiderman." (the latest crap from McDs)

"I don't know where it is. "

"Go look for it."

"Where?"

"Look in these places:

Number one, on the desk

Number two, on the table

Number three, under the piano

And number four, find it!"

wanted to say, go find your own damn spiderman. I go look in the places instructed. I find nothing and decide that was funny and start a blog post about it.

from the bathtub: 

"Mom, did you find it?" 

"No"

"Did you look in all the spots?"

"Yes"

"It's not there?"

"No."

"Then you need rule number 5." (now we've gone from places to rules)

"Where?"

"Come here to me. I can't tell you rule number 5 if you're in there."

I go

"Yes?"

"Rule number 5 is to look in the kitchen, by the desk, go straight, then at the other desk, on the right side. "

"Okay."

"MOM!" 

"What?"

"If you don't find it there come back and I'll keep giving you clues until you find it. "

The child has all the spiderman creatures in the bathtub except the one we're hunting for. And we....well we obviously don't know where the hell it is. And one of us doesn't care. 

He sends me to the car to look for it there. I go. I know! He's in the tub but I go. I look. I fail. I return. He gives me  a "whatever" sigh and says, "Can I get out now?" 

"You betcha." 

The Hard Spot

Colin came to me at the playground this morning after he had been playing football in the grassy area with the other boys. He comes over to me with his butt poking out a little and he's got ahold of one side of his pants. He says, "Mom, you shouldn't have bought these pants." I ask, "Why not?" knowing he's worn them over and over and never had a complaint thus far. He says, "Because they have a hard spot here." pointing to his clutched back pocket. I reach down and feel around for this "hard spot" and feel where the carpenter pocket connects to the back pocket thinking that maybe this is what he's talking about and then I feel it. Sure enough, there is a hard spot. I reach in his pocket and find a rock. Pulling it out, I said, "Is this the hard spot you're talking about?" He feels his pants again and with great satisfaction runs off saying, "Yeah!" I holler, "Where did the rock come from?" He hollers back, "I found it!" 

BOYS!

God Shouldda....

While peeing Colin says to me, "Mom, God shouldda made you a boy." I asked, "Why?" "So you could stand up!" he retorts as he shakes the dew off his lilly. 

Deep down, I wanted to prove to that boy that I could pee standing up if I had to. But I refrained. 

The Spring Forward Rule

Years ago my husband installed a new rule at our house on Spring Forward Time Change Weekend. My husband goes to work on Sunday mornings. He's a Worship Arts Pastor. This is a big deal to get up early, much less one hour earlier than he's used to. He doesn't like time change weekend in the spring. Honestly, who does. 

Anyway, three maybe four years ago, I changed our clocks. Then I forgot I had changed our clocks and I changed our bedroom clock again. Yep, the poor man got up TWO hours earlier than normal. And I think that on that particular weekend it might even have been Easter which means there might have been an "early" service!  But whatever the circumstances I remember my husband very very very unhappy with me that he got up at 3AM by normal standards, by the new time 4AM, but he really could've slept one more hour which meant he would've got up at 5AM, which is what our bedroom clock now read. Something like that. Either way, my name was mud for a long time. 

The Rule? JD either sets the clocks himself or we set them together. Can you blame him? I don't. 

We also have two clocks now in our bed/bath. One digital (easy to screw up) and one that runs on battery that's a face clock. Much more difficult to screw up. This way there's a check and balance for me and him. 

I still feel bad. Every year I'm reminded. Sorry husband. 

The Note

JD went to an Elder's Retreat this weekend. He left last night and will be back on Saturday sometime, probably just in time to go to work. Anyway, we saw him here and there on Thursday but our goodbyes were hurried and half-assed. I thought about it and prayed for his safe return so I would have the chance to give him a proper hello. 

So, as I'm thinking about this, a thought of a note crossed my mind. That in the future, if he's going that maybe I should include a note. I've done this in the past but it's been awhile. That way he would have a little something while he's gone and he would know how much he's loved and missed. 

Well last night as I was getting Colin in bed I noticed something on Colin's pillow. It was a note. It was to both of us and it included all the right things. The perfect note. It said hello, that he'll miss us, that he loves us and that he can't wait to get back to us and that we are the best things in his life. To me that was so perfect. I felt better now about the goodbye. 

Colin and I read the note together. He asked if I would read it again. Then he wanted to keep the note with him as he slept. I suggested we put it under his pillow. He didn't like that idea because it might fall behind the bed. I suggested we tuck it in his pillow case. He liked that idea. We did. Then as I was about to turn the light off he said. "Daddy left a note." I said, "Yea, it was nice huh?" "Yea." We talked about several things and then he nestled in to sleep. The last thing he said was, "Dad wrote me a note." 

Well done JD. Thank you for sharing your love with us. 

Leave notes. Write them in your own handwriting (no computers) and include all the right things. They make a difference. 

MOM! You made me.....

Is it just my kid or do all kids do this around this age? Colin has started blaming me for everything that isn't exactly like he thinks it should be. His favorite line is "Mom, you almost made me...." or "Mom, you made me...." fill in the blank. Here are some classic examples of late, like the last 24 hours: 

In the bathtub, I turn him around to finish washing him and he steps on one of his toys in the bathtub. "Mom! You made me hurt my foot." 

While helping him get dressed on the bed he loses his balance cuz it's bouncy. I actually catch the child from falling and he says, "Mom! You almost made me fall." 

On the way to the car, it's raining. We get in the car as I'm helping him buckle his seat belt, the door is open, the door is getting wet (so am I btw). I close the door, get in and he says, "Mom, look at this, you made the door wet." 

I could be in another room and I'm sure it would be my fault that something happened or almost happened. I'm completely fed up with it. After the little rain comment. I turned around and said with force. "Colin, I did not make anything wet. It's raining outside for crying out loud. The rain coming out of the sky is not my doing. I had nothing to do with the door being wet. But here's what I did do. I got you up this morning. I made sure you wore clothes appropriate for today's weather. I put a jacket on your head so you wouldn't get wet. I made your lunch today so you wouldn't go hungry. I'm taking you to school so you can learn something and be intelligent. I'm going to help you all day. That's what I will do and make happen. Learn the difference before you drive me crazy!" .....

hmmm, wonder where he gets it? 

Happy Birthday Dr. Seuss

Today is Dr. Suess's birthday. We celebrated at school with green eggs and ham. The kids ate them and they liked them. They liked green eggs and ham. They liked them Sam I am. 

The Cat in the Hat is 50. 

Salt

Picked up Salt today to check on her. She's really skinny and now I'm thinking she's not only lame but blind. Can't take much more people. What to do..... what to do?