Circus Circus part 3: THE BOWELS OF SIN CITY

Okay, I'm honored to have such a fan base hanging on my every word. Who knew? Again, if you're just reading, PLEASE go back and read parts 1 and 2 or you will think I'm the worst mother in all the world and will be just shy of calling the police.

Let me set the scene for you once again. Try to imagine this. Try to see and FEEL what's happening here. If you're a mother, you're going to be able to get close. If you're a teacher, you'll be able to imagine your worst day on the job. If you're a father, you'll be wondering how we're all still alive and not in jail. ...okay, that last part might be a little much but you'll understand why that's my perspective in just a minute....provided I get that far tonight.

We are in an OLD Condo unit. Not gross but old. It's obvious why they're going to implode in the next year. We are located one block off of Flamingo and one block east of the strip. Harrahs sits on the strip, we're right behind it. Matt is the only one who will know exactly where we are. There are several units with eight condos per unit. There are four condos on the first floor and four on the second floor that share a courtyard with a pool. Inside the condo there are two bathrooms, two bedrooms, a living room and small kitchen. We're on the first floor. The couch in the living room folds out into a queen bed. This is mine and Colin's future bed for the night. The carpet is so not clean that if you walk around in sock feet, the socks turn black. There's a tear in the couch and things need to be updated in the worst way. If this were the condition of a house in CA, it would be on the show, "Flip That House".

So with that in mind you can understand why Colin is feeling incredibly insecure. He's just gotten in trouble by a lady he doesn't know with a tone that he rarely hears. BTW Kristi, you would consider a run in with me a joy-ride in comparison. He is asking for his Pi. "Mommy, do you have my pi?" "Yes, but I'm not going to give that to you right now. We'll have it at bed time." "Is it bed time?" "No, we're going to go eat first." "But I'm not hungry." "I'm hungry and I know you're hungry. You can have the pi when we get back."

At this point Uncle John doesn't understand why he keeps asking for a pie. I explain that it isn't pie, it's Pi and that's what he calls his pacifier. So he proceeds to try to rationalize with Colin. He holds up one finger and says if you're this old you can have a pi. He holds up two fingers and says, if you're this old you can still have one but that's not really a good idea. But when you're three, holding up three fingers, you don't need one. You're a big boy. Only babies have a pacifier. Colin listens, with his brow wrinkled and holds on tighter to his Teddy and blanket. When Uncle John finishes with his speech Colin turns to me and says, "Mommy, can I have my Pi....PLEASE!" This is when I should've given in. But I'm embarrassed by this speech. I'm somewhat motivated by this speech and after the morning I'd had, I wasn't about to give in again. I said, "No. We're going to eat and you can have your pi when we get back. Now, I'm going to give you Colin's response. Imagine a record stuck on the same phrase that will not stop. "I want my Piiiii. I want my Piiiii. I want my Piiii. I want my Piiii." I decide my plan of attack for the Pi at this moment was to ignore him.

Need I emphasize how tired and hungry we are? I should think not. As Colin continues his unending song about wanting his Pi we try to come up with the best way to get to McDs. McDs is just north of Harrahs on the strip. We could drive but we'd have to find a place to park, we don't all fit into one car so we would have to find two places to park. No one would consider staying home as we've just gotten together and we would like to visit. So we will have to walk. The shortest distance is through the enormous parking structure and then through the back doors of Harrahs all the way through the Casino out the front doors of Harrahs. We have a 5-year-old and a 3-year-old. Going THROUGH sounds like a terrible idea. Walking AROUND in the dark sounds like an even worse idea. We decide to go through. We get ready to head out. Mom, Aunt Judy, Uncle John and Katreena are around the door and hanging in the courtyard as I get Colin to comply with the plan.

"I want my Piiii." "Colin, stop now! You can have your pi when we get back. We are going and I need you to leave the blanket and teddy here because we're walking and I don't want you to lose them or get them dirty." Go ahead....laugh....seriously, laugh. AS IF! As if not having pi was bad enough now he's been told he can't take the other two things and oh yeah, we're walking. He then latches on to those things as well as the pi. It's all I can do to not start to cry with him. The rest of the family is being patient but I can feel their eyes burning into me. I can hear their words. "Why doesn't she just paddle his behind? I can't believe she puts up with that. etc." I know they are not saying or thinking this but it FEELS like they are and I can't say that I wouldn't have thought it.

And so it continues...."But I want to take my blanket and teddy." "No, leave them here because we're walking." "Can I have my Pi?" "No." "I don't want to walk. Let's take the car." "We can't take the car because there's no place to park it." "Can I have my Pi?" "No." "I don't want to walk." "We don't have a choice." "I don't want to go." "We need to eat something." "Can I have my Pi?" "NO!" "PLEASE can I take my blanket and Teddy?" "NO!" "I want my Piiiiiii." "NO!" "Please Mommy.....pleeeaaasseee." "If I let you take the blanket and Teddy will you stop asking about the PI?" Crying, "Ooookkaayyy." pause...."Fine, take them but you're on your own and you'll have to carry them yourself." We exit the building.

Here's the line up....Uncle John leading the way followed by Aunt Judy followed by Mom holding hands with Katreena followed by me with Colin lagging in the back trying to keep his blanket from dragging the ground and holding onto Teddy at the same time. Truly, it's pathetic. We're both pathetic. We should be in bed. We should be asleep. We should be anywhere but walking though the parking structure of Harrahs in Las Vegas on a Friday night at 8:30 with two small children. We are in the bowels of Sin City with two innocent children, one whose being dragged along against his will, being treated just slightly better than a tortured prisoner.

We get about 100 yards and Colin says, "Mommy, will you look in your purse for my pi?"....

Before I tell you what I did, tell me what you would've done. Don't forget the condition you're in or circumstances. If you were me, what would you have done? Honestly!

....to be continued.