Monday, May 25, 2009

It Etwa

For my birthday I went to get a pedicure. I  was in dire need of my pedis being cured. BAD shape. The last one had been November. So, I believe that at least once a year, every woman and man should get a pedicure. But in CA where flip flops are worn year-round, you need at least two, if not one a month. 

So I go with my dear friend Andi who is treating me to a Celestina Day. She needs a pedi too. We sit. She gets her girl and I get Nicole. I type the following story with much endearment, for she won me over. Typing her accent will be a bit of a challenge but you'll get the idea if you'll just read it aloud with perfect phonetics. 

Now, you know how it is, they begin with mostly hand motions. They being the Vietnamese ladies and men who tend to be in a nail salon. They motion you to sit in a chair. They motion you to put your feet in. They motion or touch a foot to come out and be placed in a certain spot. They motion you to change feet. They make a little noise for you to choose if you want your nail clipped or filed. Sometimes you can go an entire pedi without ever having a conversation with your technician. This was not one of those days. 

I had decided that I was going to go with a French Pedicure so that it would last a long time. My time for nails is slim to none. I have desire. I don't have time. Hence the six month stent. Anyway, I try to explain as she's making me choose between clipping and filing that one of my nails is really short because I had broken it recently. 

Her: It okay, I make. 
Me: Okay. But don't clip it anymore. 
Her: It okay, I make. 
Me: resigning Okay. 

She gets my nails all cleaned up and she's very happy. She smiles at me a lot. I know this not because I see her smile, due to the mask, but her eyes crinkle and she tilts her head. Finally she asks me my name. 

Her: Wha yoo nam?
Me: Celeste. What's yours? 
Her: said at lightning speed: Nico...Li Nico Kima, you no har? Hee Hee Hee
Me: I'm sorry again. (I'm thinking she said her last name but by her tone I'm aware she's asked me a question but I haven't a clue what she asked. And that whatever she said was extremely funny to her)
Her: Nico....lik Nico Kima, you no har? Hee Hee Hee
I desperately look at Andi. She smiles and says, "Nicole Kidman. You know her?" Aa Ha. 
Me: Nicole Kidman. Yes, I'm aware of who she is. I've never met her however. 

At this point in my pedi, Nicole looks up and asks
Nicole: Yoo wan kalla remov?
Me: Do I need it? 
Nicole: O Ya, yoo nee!
Me: Okay. 
Nicole: big smile It etwa.
Me: What? 
Nicole: bigger smile It etwa. 

Again I look to Andi for translation. She smiles and says, "It's extra." At which Nicole rapidly shakes her head up and down. 

Me: Oh. It's okay. 

Nicole goes and gets the necessary tool to remove the calluses from my heels. I know I'm desperate. I've never done this. Then she brings back what looks like a grinder. Really?! 

Nicole works for a long time on my feet. She is no longer smiling under the mask. I'm pretty sure she cussing me out but I can't tell. Finally she's done. 

She begins painting my toes. She makes me a nail. Then at the right moment she asks: 

Nicole: Yoo wan flawa?
Me: Flower? 
Nicole: Ya, yoo wan flawa? I pan yoo flawa. 
Me: Okay.  
Nicole: It etwa. 
Me: Of course it is. It's okay. 
Nicole: I pan yoo 2 flawa. 
Me: Okay. 

She works a long time more. I was glad I wasn't in a hurry. At this point Andi was done. She was just letting her nails dry. 

Finally she's all done. She slides on my flip flops. Then she says this: 

Nicole: Yoo ah prewee now. Yoo no way six mon moor to cum baa. Twee wee, yoo baa. Oka?
Me: Okay. 

It's been almost five weeks. But you know, she did a great job and her paint has lasted. Even if it was etwa. 


Kim and JD said...

I was in tears laughing.... I was just talking to JD and Michael last night about this, because the same thing happened to me last week!

Heidi said...

I almost wet my pants reading this.

And I'm at work.

Seriously the funniest thing I've read in a really long time...

I would like more stories please!

You can even charge me etwa.

Jenn B said...

I find that if you pretend there is an egg in your throat when you read the tech's words, you'll sound really close to what she sounded like! A few weeks ago the girl doing my pedi told me that Lizzie has "so mu bootiful hea" and "perfit eyebwow" So cute!