Whizzzz

You know, we spend a lot of time and endless words of teaching and encouragement to get our kids potty trained. We even lead by example and use little phrases like, "You go where you go, you don't make a show." You leave your house prepared for the "just in case" and have extra underwear and pants, you pack travel cottonel wipes for those public bathroom needs, you think you have it all covered until you little one pulls one you haven't expected and NO AMOUNT of planning will ever prepare you. 

So here we are at Disneyland. This is midway through a two-day run with our friends from Colorado Springs who've never been and are trying to get the most of SoCal usual tourist stops. For you locals, we're over in California Adventure by McDonald's. As most of you know, the bathrooms are also there. Practically connected. So you can eat and pee and not have to walk far with little ones to do both. 

I'm trying to get Darin the 10% discount on food using my pass and so I'm with Darin and Tyler (11) and Colin. We're in line discussing the menu and what everyone wants. Stacey is with Logan (5) standing in the shade waiting to get us a table. The lines are not long and the crowd is relatively small. So there's lots of open space. As I'm talking to Darin, Çolin says, "Mom, I have to pee." I turn to Colin and say, "Okay, just a minute." Turn  back to Darin and let him know Colin has to go, hand him my pass and tell him to tell the people, "My wife had to take my son to the bathroom." They'll buy it and it's no big deal. As the words are coming out of my mouth, Tyler taps me on the shoulder. I look at Ty. He says, while pointing at Colin, "He's peeing!" 

I turn around and there is my son with his shorts and underwear around his ankles, he has his butt cheeks flexed and knees bent and he's got a great stream of pee shooting into the open air creating one huge puddle of pee about three feet away. It took just a nano second for me to process this and then I was in a combination of the following emotions: disbelief, dread, fear, embarrassment, amusement, mortification, and shock. I seriously didn't know what to do. I couldn't make him stop. I didn't want him to swing around and hit people with his stream. I couldn't exactly "hide" him without getting wet. I threw up my hands and looked at a group of girls getting way too much fun out of the situation and mouthed, "What do I do?" In the background a little group of Chinese people were talking about it. She said to her husband, "Okoihdkj jowoidn WHIZZZZ!" Darin was doubled over laughing at this priceless moment. Colin is STILL peeing. I'm absolutely beside myself with inexperience and mortification. Finally he finishes. 

I pull up his pants and begin to tell Colin that he can't just do that. He can't just pee wherever he wants. Contrary to J-Bird's philosophy, the world is NOT your bathroom. The restrooms were right there. I was just about to take him. What was he thinking about. I don't know what all I said but whatever it was it completely undid him. He begins to cry and say, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I need a wet wipe to clean it up. I'm sorry." Crap. I gather him in my arms, take him over to the side, hold him close. Explain it is okay. Please stop crying. It's going to be okay. He's concerned over the mess. I'm concerned over the mess. I don't know what to do. And as I'm thinking about it and wishing it would just disappear, a janitor comes along and surveys the situation. He's completely oblivious that what he's about to clean up is not Mountain Dew but 6o oz of pretty yellow urine and I'm not about to tell him or make it obvious that it belongs to us. He proceeds to clean it up and as he does I show Colin that it's gone. Thank God for the Disneyland perfection. He calms down. I calm down. 

We haven't discussed this incident again. To this day, I'm horrified while laughing at it all. I can't help but think that I brought it all on myself by not taking Colin to a restroom when he requested the day before but instead made him hold it until we rode the ride we had been standing in line for for over 30 minutes. The ride by the way, was Space Mountain. It was a little overwhelming for Colin and he was not happy that I took him on a ride that was "too fast" and made him hold his pee on top of it. I think he just decided  to flip the coin on me and get me back using a method I had not experienced before. It worked. 

I've learned my lesson. When a kid has to pee, he has to pee RIGHT NOW! Duly noted. Will do better in the future. "Oknhens dhwioeh wehidf  WHIZZ!"